Why ‘Goodbye Stranger’ was so triggering for me

I had to get this out. I’m sorry.

This is in reference to the infamous Meg/Castiel scene. I mean no offence to the ship and/or the shippers, I just want to say why it made me uncomfortable and triggered a reaction I hadn’t had since three years ago.

The problem I have with that scene is that it romanticises a non-con/dub-con situation, thing with which I have personal experience. It was extremely hard for me to get through the scene. 

As much as I may not like the direction they took with Meg’s characterisation, her feelings are not in question here. The problem is Castiel.

See, I have a hard time believing he was “just me” in that scene, since:

a) as it was presented in the very first scene, he was not himself and was not in charge of his actions, thanks to Naomi’s psychological torture and manipulation. And we were supposed to take note of his every action and notice how much he wasn’t himself;

b) he himself suggested, a couple of scenes before and probably following a line of thought ingrained by Naomi and what she did to him, that they use Meg for their own purposes.

For these reasons, I cannot accept to see his actions in that scene as genuine. 

I’ve seen people arguing that he was himself in that scene, because Naomi controlled him only during certain moments and/or that control wasn’t absolute. 

I disagree: if he was genuine in that scene, we have to accept that Naomi’s control wasn’t absolute and/or that it came and went, but then what was the point of the episode? Why make such a big deal of breaking that control if it wasn’t absolute? Is it because Meg is special? Then why didn’t they make her break the control instead of Dean? Then why are we to consider Castiel’s scenes with Sam & Dean as him under control and the ones with Meg as him being “just himself”? Why give such emphasis since the first scene to the control if it wasn’t meant to absolute?

I really cannot understand. 

What I found disturbing was that they made the audience understand that Castiel agreed to have sex with another person while: a) he wasn’t himself b) was shown to have previously suggested to use that person.

I really cannot understand how I was meant to take it seriously and how I was meant to think it was romantic and cute.

When one the parties involed is not mentallyl/physically capable of choosing you are witnessing a non-con/dub-con situation. At best, this was a dub-con situation. 

I have also seen people taking a remark Castiel made as implication they had sex while he was in that hospital. I have also seen people saying it shouldn’t bother us because “it happened over a year ago”. 

That is not what concerns me. What concerns me, upsets me and triggers me is when it is implied that a mentally unstable/ill person that was obviously not in his corpus mentis had sex with another party after weeks spent in a coma and in the timeframe between his awakening and the time it took Dean and Sam to pack everything and get to the hospital (which was a day? Two?). 

That would be non-con/dub-con. And it’s not romantic, it’s not ‘right’ and it’s not justifiable. 

Everytime I see someone make such remark I flinch and I burst out crying and my brain replays the same scenes over and over again and I have to turn my computer off.

Both situations harbour a sea of consent issues and I wish everybody would think twice before saying they are “cute” and “romantic”. Please. I beg you.

For the record, the personal experience(s) I am referring to are a series of instances in which I had to aid friends who were being psychologically manipulated into having sex whith a variety of figures (including a couple of boyfriends, a teacher and a priest) and, most of all, an instance in which I had to rescue, for lack of a better word, a very close friend from an abusive relationship.

For clarity, I am going to expand. 

I was 13. Me and this friend, Alessandra, 16, went out to buy a CD. She was in relationship with an older boy, 18, Andrea. They had been going out for a year and a half at the time.

When we were going home he called her, asking where she was and with who. She told him, he came to us, asked to talk to her privately. I didn’t think there was anything abnormal until she brought her in an alley and then I heard the sound of the slaps, him screaming how dared she go out without his consent and her silence. I tried stopping him, but he was enormous and physically overpowering. I couldn’t do anything. When he grew tired and went away, my friend pleaded me to help her, please please please.

I did the only thing that I could: I told my mother, she told Alessandra’s. My friend tried to escape with her abuser, didn’t manage to, proceeded to tell me I had ruined her love story and broke any ties with my family. Her parents won’t talk to us anymore.

The worst thing about that experience were the memories of the year they had been together that haunted and still haunt me: I still wake up in cold sweat hating myself and asking myself: how did I not notice it sooner?

I still remember how she told me she had lost her virginity to him, how it had been beautiful, how she asked for it, many times, how she didn’t want to get into details because it was between her and him, how a few weeks later she had a bruise on her stomach and told me she bumped into her desk, how sometimes she used to wear a foulard and would not take it off, how once i clasped her on the shoulder and she flinched so hard she started crying. How content and peaceful she looked when she used to tell me it was all she ever wanted.

Of course, this situation is not alike the one presented in the show. But unfortunately, I cannot control my triggers. What triggered me was the transparent lack of consent displayed in the scene and the implication that something might have happened in another scene where the lack of consent was too transparent. 

I’m sorry this got so long and I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear enough to make you, if someone will read this, understand why and how it disturbed me.

It also worries me how such a situation was presented and how the general audience and part of the people whom I follow on Tumblr perceived it, because, as I explained, from Castiel’s side, given the context, I saw nothing but brainwashing and mind control. That situation was non consensual and it made me uncorfortable and triggered me. As I already said, Meg’s feelings are not in question here, as they were made clear.

I also hope no one took offense in what I said, because this is NOT my intention.

  1. agirlonfire ha rebloggato questo post da letheanriver
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  3. dorky-dame ha rebloggato questo post da letheanriver e ha aggiunto:
    I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this while watching…
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    i think everyone should read this
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  11. treetopperstiel ha rebloggato questo post da letheanriver e ha aggiunto:
    No one is really bringing up how Cas wasn’t in full control of himself in that scene, because Naomi was controlling him...
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